Thursday, September 29, 2011

Some Zzzs Please

Have you heard about "Go the Fu*k To Sleep?"  Described as a "children's book for adults," it's pure genius.  Check out Samuel L. Jackson on this youtube link:

C'mon, this is funny stuff.  It's O.K. to laugh.

I love "Go The F*ck to Sleep" because it's another chink in the "perfect parent" armor; A sippy cup in the eye of the parenting fantasy as nothing but smooches and ice cream.

Parenting is a full contact sport.  I would love for my kids to go to sleep on demand, just like I'd love walls without hand prints or a bedroom that doesn't double as a doll and toy minefield.  And while we're at it, I'd like to wear dry cleaning within a mile of my house. 

How can beings so small, so cute, be so utterly destructive and exhausting?

As far as kids and sleep goes, so far I'm 2-for-4.  My twins were easy on the sleep front once they passed age two, though early on it felt like Vietnam.

These days, my younger ones are creating their own legacy.

When Audra was two she went through a diva phase, constantly changing her clothes.  One night I awoke to the thump of little feet.  Over the next week or so I would open her bedroom door and find her in one of three states:

1.  Naked in front of a pile of clothes.
2.  Asleep on top of a pile of clothes, either naked or in a, ahem, creative ensemble.
3.  Running around the room in a creative ensemble.

We were forced to move all clothes to the top shelves of her closet. 

As parents, we continually move things higher, out of a kid's way, as if a flood has struck the living room.  Show me your refrigerator door and I can guess your kids age within two years. 

Then there's Drea, who somehow can't fall asleep unless strapped into a car seat, and appears ready to vault out of her crib a la Mary Lou Retton.

If I can stay awake long enough, look for my follow-up book, "I'm Too Old For This Sh*t."


  1. "Show me your refrigerator door and I can guess your kids age within two years."